Sink the Ships with our Cannons!
by IchigoMoonCutter
Summary: This is a crackish story that makes fun/bashes/teases pairings with Ichigo and a few others. You have been warned.


Hello and welcome to "endings". This is **intended **to be written poorly and incredibly OOC, aiming for the more comedic side... or stupid.  
This was made to make fun of all the shipping that takes place in BLEACH's fandom.  
There is bashing. You have been warned.

I've got my gun out caus this is a oneshot! -bang-

* * *

Orihime Inoue was skipping merrily down the road, unaware of the trouble heading her way.

"Hey, you!" a rude voice suddenly called out, "Rival! I won't lose to you!"

It was Riruka, tossing her magenta ponytails to one side and laughing evilly as she strolled up to the 'princess'.

Orihime turned to face her new arch nemesis, innocent expression gone, the aura of a demon suffocating the air.

"You'll never win! I've known him way longer than you! You only knew him for a few days and then you 'fell in love' with him!" she scoffed, spitting in Riruka's face. "Like I'd lose to you!"

"Getting cocky now, are we?" Riruka's sadistic voice was rising dangerously. "Little miss pretty relying on _that_ feeble excuse?"

"At least my 'shipping' is more popular than yours!" Orihime's face changed from menacing to dreamy as her daydream brain began to wander. "And besides, I'm just the beautiful, smart yet air head girl who has a crush on the school punk who underneath his mean scowl has a heart of gold!"

Riruka puked.

"Don't be so cliché! That sounds more like the plot line for Fruitsbasket, not Bleach! This is a Shōnen manga, not Shōujo manga! Honestly, all the people rooting for your so called 'pairing' are all those girly girls who love all those romantic manga, perverts who like you for your looks, or people who are color blind because they can't see the auburn clashing with orange!"

"Well, at least I have more of a chance with him that you! You disappeared right after the Fullbring arc ended!"

"I'll be back, stupid! And I'll still have as much of a chance with him as I ever will!"

"We'll probably be together by then!"

"No you won't! You always manage to make all your encounters with him awkward! You can hardly say two words together in his presence, let alone confess your feelings! And after seventeen months of 'off screen' time, you didn't even make a move!"

"You haven't made a move either!"

"So? I WILL! (someday) Anyway, speaking of faults, have you seen how OOC Ichigo acts in all your fanfiction stories? It's because being with you is so _wrong_ that there's no other way to write it!"

"I'm so glad you brought up that site! Have you seen how _few_ romantic stories are with you and *Kurosaki-kun*~?"

"Not gonna lie, the way you say his name is so FREAKIN annoying! You realize that's why over of your haters 'hate' you so much? And to answer your question, I haven't been around long! Can you blame those poor fangirls for not knowing the depth my my passion?"

"Silly girl, why must you blame my voice actor over such petty accusations? And WHAT depth? There IS no depth to your character!"

"Annnnnnnd what is all this about?~"

A new person had arrived, purple hair all tied up with a red ribbon.

"Senna…" said Riruka stiffly. Orihime just glared. Senna smirked, looking at the pair of them.

"Why are you two at each other's throats?"

"Uh…" Orihime faltered under Senna's knowing gaze.

"Bickering about who's better for Ichigo, eh?" Senna roared with laughter at the thought, oblivious to the glares.

"Shut up, you," Riruka snapped, crossing her arms. "You were only in_ one_ movie!"

"And yet I was the only one out of the three of us who actually got any sort of tender emotion out of him! Tell me, has he actually ever cried over any of you?" Senna smirks at this comment and continues, "And I don't see why you two have to be so judgmental over my movie roll. I was a main character! All Orihime's ever been was a brief appearance. And Riruka never has been in any movies!"

"He was only crying because you were _dying_!" Orihime shouted, stomping her foot angrily.

"Yet I'm alive!" Senna grinned happily.

"So you are, yet both of your characters are extremely weak," Riruka sneered at the pair of them. "Both of you had to be rescued by Ichigo because you weren't strong enough to even save yourselves. I have a KO that can wipe the floor with anyone!"

"I can reject your very existence!" said Orihime, advancing slightly on the pink haired Fullbringer.

"Like you would have the stomach to," laughed Senna, "all you're useful for is healing. You hate seeing anyone get hurt. Your weaknesses are always exploited by the enemy, so you always end up being a burden to your comrades! But ignoring all that, you'll probably just poison them all with your cooking...or if you're lucky, you'll poison yourself!"

"I don't know why you're so full of yourself? Arrogance always seems to get people killed in Bleach, especially on FanFiction. It's no wonder you always end up being the 'x girfriend' on fanfiction for some reason," said Riruka snidely, causing Orihime to snigger.

Yet sadly, their conversation was interrupted.

"BUT WHAT ABOUT MEEEEEEEE?" A new, highly annoying voice joined the fray. Senna, Riruka, and Orihime turned in disgust to view the random OC.

"Shut up, you!" roared Senna, stomping on the person as they let out a girly scream of overdramatic pain.

"You're just a random made up character of some stupid author who put themselves into the story because of some stupid crush on a fictional character!" Riruka had joined in the stomping.

"How dare you try to make a move on my Ichigo!" screamed Orihime wildly, adding her foot in the stomping.

* * *

A few yards away in the cover of an alleyway, Nel and Harribel watched the trio and their madness.

"Let's not even discuss our shipping pairings with the young Vizard," stated Harribel dryly. The former third nodded, laughing softly.

"Not a word," Nel agreed. The two Espada then took their leave and sonidoed away from the mayhem.

* * *

Meanwhile, Ichigo and Rukia had just finished exterminating a hollow when they came across a rather unusual sight.

"I swear," said Rukia in amazement, "I never thought I'd see the day where I'd see _those_ three getting along."

"I wonder what they're arguing about?" Ichigo mused, trying to catch the vague words that were being shouted. "Why are they beating an OC character into the dust? Did they break into Yachiru's candy stash or something?"

"Who knows…?" Rukia muttered darkly, actually making out what was being said. "They're acting so OOC it's annoying. Well, let them sail their 'shipping' all they want." She smirked at Ichigo, who looked at her, oblivious. "We both have enough _cannons_ to sink their 'ship'."

"Huh?"

"Come on Mr. Ignorant, let's go…" She grabbed Ichigo's arm and dragged him away before the three insane girls could catch sight of them.

* * *

**Current story amount featuring two characters (Not necessarily paired together, but what the heck. Over 90% are.)**

IchigoxRiruka: 6

IchigoxHarribel: 37

IchigoxNel: 75

IchigoxSenna: 81

IchigoxOrihime: 2,180

IchigoxRukia: 9, 814

* * *

Status: PWNED

* * *

"What? Where'd they go?" Riruka searched the skies desperately in search of Ichigo.

"No! It's not possible!" wailed Orihime, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Why did _she_ have to win?"

"Well, I suppose I might survive…" Senna sniffed and the collapsed dramatically on the pavement, wallowing in despair. "Why does _ichiruki_ always have more people than usssss?"

"SHUT UPPPPPPPPPPP!" Orihime screeched, "DO NOT MENTION THAT PAIRING TO ME AGAINNNNNNNNN! IT IS TABOOOOOOOOOOO! YOU TRAITOR!"

"Well, there's one way to solve this problem..."

Orihime and Senna turned questionably to Riruka.

"We have a duel and kill each other. Then the winner will gain the loser's supporters!"

"No, I'll just have to create/add a thousand more accounts to my ichihime support groups." said Orihime as calmly and peaceably as possible.

"Why are you complaining?" grumbled Senna, "You have your ulquihime and ishihime groups too. I don't have much of anything. Even Riruka's got Ginjou..." Riruka pukes on the sidewalk yet again. "Your too obsessive and blinded by fictional fantasies."

"Then why are we arguing in the first place?" Riruka asked, wiping spit from her mouth.

"Good point," Senna agreed and stomped off to go home, crushing the OC character under her feet as she went.

"Until next time, rival," Rirukia calls merrily to Orihime, using bringer light to jump into the sunset, leaving Orihime to stroll happily down the street yet again.

-fin

* * *

I warned you this sucked, did I not? But have no fear, it was intentional. haha


End file.
